Intercede For Us Mother of God

Hail Mary, full of grace; all generations call you blessed. Hail Mother of God; when asked by the angel to bear the Son of the Most High, filled with faith, you responded: "Let it be done unto me." Holy Mother of Jesus, at the wedding feast at Cana, you prompted your Son to perform his first sign. Be with us as we discern our life's work and guide us in the way we are called to follow in the footsteps of your Son. Holy Mother of the Savior, at the foot of the cross you mourned the death of your only Son. Bless and embrace the loving parents of all priests, deacons, brothers and sisters. Holy Mother of the Good Shepherd, turn your motherly care to this nation. Intercede for us to the Lord of the harvest to send more laborers to the harvest in this land dedicated to your honor. Queen of Peace, Mirror of Justice, Health of the Sick, inspire vocations in our time. Let the word of your Son be made flesh anew in the lives of persons anxious to proclaim the good news of everlasting life. Amen.

Marriage

I have heard many priests say how they loved "preforming" marriages. I have always been puzzled by such a statement. Wouldn't you think that they would be sad because they see something they will never have. I don't know about anyone else, but when I would go to weddings I have always gotten excited that one day I hope that is me or I think I can't wait to get married. There has always been something about going to them that makes me wish time would go just a bit faster and then I can get married. However, this train of thought ended Sunday.

I was serving at Mass, so I was up on the altar. A couple from the parish was going to get their wedding vows renewed because it was their 50th anniversary. So, at the end of Mass they came up in front of the altar where Father stood and another altar server. As the rite began I could not help but shed a tear (which probably looked odd since I was sitting facing everyone else in the congregation). I was so moved by the love that this couple shared between each other. For the first time I was not thinking, "wow! I can't wait to get married," but rather, "wow! I want to help people like that."

I think it all goes back to the amazement by me that priests are able to help people in not only earthly temporary ways but spiritual and eternal ways. To be able to bond two people together in a unique relationship with Christ as the center absolutely amazes me! Also, to be able to see the love two people share it just a reminder of the love Christ has for us, because His love is so much more.

Loving One Another

This past week has been one filled with inner hurt. I have always saw the fact that I am not as well liked as most people and I geuss that is okay. But, I have always just asked God, "why?"

These past few weeks things have been said indirectly to me and/or written on my door that really didn't mean a lot at first...but when you keep getting the same message it gets old and even though it is not terribly bad it does hurt that people don't like me.

A lot of times I feel so different from everybody else. It feels I am secluded from the rest of the school. It feels like I am stuck in a place that I can't get out of. What makes me so different that the majority of people don't care much for me? I am sure they don't hate me, but they just don't care much about me.

One thing I think about when I feel hurt by others, specifically when I am made fun of or feel left out of things, is Mary. I wonder if Mary ever felt left out? I wonder if she ever felt different from everyone else, like an alien in a place she can't get out of. I wonder if she ever shed tears of sadness because she heard someone say something bad about her....

I think so...I believe Mary did feel that way. I am sure people talked when she was pregnate with Jesus and not married to Joseph. I bet people said some mean stuff and I can look at her and I am stunned because how could anyone make fun of her? So, once again I am directed to Mary as an example to live by. I am once again relying on her intercessions. It is funny how I always end up here!

Jesus Himself was by far more persecuted than me! But, yet He still loved them! The biggest lesson I learned this week is loving your enemies and how hard it really is! Wednesday's reading from Romans blew me away! It was defiantly something I needed to hear. I have always (and probably will continue to) struggled with the fact that priests have to be loving guys, right?! And they also have to be liked by some people right?! (not all people of course) I don't feel I am a very loving guy sometimes, nor someone who is liked. I am not sure what to make of that yet. Since I am not very liked, should that be a sign that I am not called to the priesthood? Or is it a good thing, because Jesus was persecuted and not liked very much either...I dunno...all I know is...

"Brothers and sisters:
Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another;
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
The commandments, You shall not commit adultery;
you shall not kill;
you shall not steal;
you shall not covet,
and whatever other commandment there may be,
are summed up in this saying, namely,
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Love does no evil to the neighbor;
hence, love is the fulfillment of the law."
-Romans 13: 8-10

Also, after having posted my note on facebook and getting feedback from several people I do have to say, I realize I am not the only on having feelings of not being loved and just not fitting in. It breaks my heart to think it is not just me, because I wished it was just me for everyone else's sack. This is another reason why becoming a priest is appealing...being able to help others. I want people to know that they really are loved, by God, the Church, Mary and all the saints, and by me. Reading peoples feedback to me broke my heart because I really wish people didn't feel that way...but then again I geuss it is part of growing...obviously it has been and is a growing experience for me. St. Anthony Mary Claret explains it best below. I suppose we can continue to look to Mary as an example and for her intercession. Holy Mary, pray thee come hither!

"A priest who is filled with the fire of the love of God will
wound vices, kill sins, convert sinners, and work wonders."
-St. Anthony Mary Claret

In Persona Christi Capitus

Well, I have made it back from St. Meinrad's and I absolutely loved it! I have had a hard time these past few days since I have been back because I want to go back. Coming back, I have a peace about the seminary now. I can't really explain. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I have figured anything out, because I haven't, but I just have an unexplained peace.

Another thing that is always popping up in my life is the priest being "In Persona Christi Capitus." Sometimes it is scary because I look at all my faults and I am reminded they are nothing like Christ. However, I recognize that priests are humans, they are not perfect little Jesus's walking around.

I really liked the pic above because it shows the different roles of the priest and the In Persona Christi Capitus. I found this quote below and again it reminds me of this pic:

To live in the midst of the world with no desire for its pleasure...
To be a member of every family yet belonging to none...
To share all sufferings; to penetrate all secrets; to heal all wounds...
To daily go from men to God to offer Him their petitions...
To return from God to men to offer them His hope...
To have a heart of fire for charity and a heart of bronze for chastity...
To bless and be blest forever.
O God, what a life, and it is yours,
O Priest of Jesus Christ

-J.B. Henri Lacordaire (Thou Art a Priest Forever)

I have noticed here lately my prayer has been, "Lord, make me more holy, not for my own sake, but for the sake of others." When I am contemplating on "In Persona Christi Capitus," my question is, "Am I called?"..................



(And by the way, I really wish I was back at St. Meinrad's!!!!!!!!)

Is Christ Speaking?

As I sat in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament today I had a revelation. I was reading from the book "An Hour With Jesus" and reading a meditation entitled, "How Does He Speak." Let me just say wow. It basically was questioning Jesus asking Him why He didn't speak.

I have often wondered, especially since I have begun my discernment, why God could just not speak. Wouldn't it make it easier? Also, since I wasn't really hearing anything was it because I was doing something wrong? I would beg Jesus to speak to me and show me His will and nothing would happen or at least what I was looking for nothing happened.

As I really got into the mediation I paused for prayer and thought about this whole thing. Afterwards I kept reading, this time a section in itlatics that said this is what Jesus would probably say to us. Of course, the first sentence was: "Yes, I speak." But, what really jumped out at me was:

"But most importantly, I speak directly to you. I need for you to be silent to hear me; to be a completely empty vessel. For you see, I speak through your mind, and most importantly, through your heart. In your mediation, in your contemplation, in your silent recognition of my presence, I respond to you. It will be the thoughts you suddenly sense in your mind. It will be the truths you painfully accept in your heart regarding your unworthiness. The ache you feel for serenity, peace, and comfort, that frustration you sense struggling for constant control of your own destiny, your desire to actually hear me, these are all the words of your God speaking to you. If your heart and soul are truly silent, your thoughts will be my words to you."

Wow! When I read this I was literally reading my life story! It applied to me in such a real way, I was speechless. This whole time I have struggled and struggled with God not speaking to me and not revealing Himself and His will...but this whole time He was doing just that! "That frustration you sense struggling for constant control of your own destiny," was like a dagger in the side. I recalled the MANY tears shed out of frustration due to my discernment and you know what...that was God speaking to me! "Painfully accept in your heart regarding your unworthiness," reminded me of SO MANY times crying due to my imperfections...it was then Christ was speaking to me!

I geuss I always thought Jesus would speak in a much more literal way. Maybe not a booming voice, but just a "you wake up in the morning and know" kind of thing. But, during my discernment it is those frustrations, those feelings of unworthiness, the joy from being at church and serving, the desire to know God and to hear Him speak....that IS Christ speaking to me. This revelation has been so comforting to me, to know Christ is speaking. When I thought there was silence, it was actually God screaming at me and I just didn't realize it was Him.

I chose this picture too, because I love the reverence to the Sacred Scripture. It is just another way God is continually speaking to us and a lot of times we pass it up because it is sitting on our shelf.

Seminary

Well, I am writing this blog actually feeling pretty peaceful in my discernment. Things are very busy right now, so maybe it is a good thing that my discernment is peaceful. I am continuing to pray the Liturgy of the Hours and trying to pray more each day.

With the semester almost half over next week, it is scary how fast time is flying by. After this year I only have one year left at C-N! That is crazy! Not bad, but crazy! As I look where I stand now academically and looking to possibly going to the seminary.....it scares me! I am not a bad student. I am probably a "c" or "b" student, but with the classes I have now and the classes I would have at seminary.....wow!

I know seminary is not easy for anyone and I geuss that is part of the formation, it not being easy. Learning Latin scares me. I can't even learn Spanish right now. All the philosophy classes scare me too, especially St. Aquinas (an amazing guy!, but hard to understand!). I struggle enough as it is in college and I can only imagine seminary!

I am immediately reminded however of St. John Vianney, who is actually the patron saint of priests. When he was in seminary he struggled really hard with his classes, especially in Latin. Most people at his seminary did not think he would make it through, but turns out he did! Even though he wasn't the best at his studies, God still lead him through them and he turned out to be an amazing priest. A priest of humility and discipleship. He was known for spending entire days in confession, absolving people of their sins. Of course, after he died he was canonized and is the patron saint of priests.....how amazing! God still used him and his weaknesses!

I think I worry about seminary because I struggle a little bit now in college. But, I guess it is a valid concern. I really liked this picture because the look on this seminarians face recalled how I feel inside sometimes thinking about seminary. A look of total awe, of being totally scared, of total excitement..etc. etc. All these emotions running through. It scares me that I must put my faith in Christ and trust if it is His will, He will get me through seminary. I know priests sacrifice a lot, but even entering into the seminary alone you are sacrificing a lot. It scares me and at the same time excites me!

Anointing of the Sick & My Discernment

So tonight I was serving at Mass with Father Joseph and after Mass he had an Anointing of the Sick were he anointed a deacon who is having surgery tomorrow. I participated in a few Anointing of the Sick, but it was because I had attended Mass. This was the first one I have experienced as an Alter Server.

Thinking back to my first Anointing of the Sick I witnessed was at St. Patrick's about a year ago. The women being anointed was a little old woman. I didn't know her, but I remember sitting there with tears running down my cheek. I remember thinking how amazing is it that a priest is able to help someone in such a unique way. Only a priest can assist, comfort, and support someone in such a profound way. That was probably the first time I realized how, as a priest, I could help people in such a unique and eternal way.

As I stood in front of the altar tonight with Father Joseph at my side and the deacon being anointed and his wife sitting in the front roll. The sacrament went just like usual. Nothing crazy new, but it was one of the most amazing feelings as far as my discernment of the priesthood goes. I think because there I was in my cassock and surplice and was from a different perspective than the last few times. I was actually doing something physical to help this guy like Father was by anointing him and laying hands on him. But, inside I felt like I was comforting him and his wife because I was there as a server and representing the Church. I felt like I was showing him that the Church loves him and cares about him and most importantly God loves him. It was amazing feeling like I was making a difference and not just because I actually did something, but just being able to pray and represent the Church.

I know all this sounds kind of odd and maybe random, but it was a point where I recalled how much I want to help others and how priests are able to impact peoples lives in such a huge way and more importantly Jesus is able to impact lives through the priests. I know there are other ways to serve people, but this is the way I feel a calling towards. This kind of stuff brings me true joy and happiness. Being on the altar feels like home. I think it is just amazing how a priest is truly a father to so many people. I too want to be a father to people.

Sorry if this blog doesn't make since, but I am writing this and also talking with some friends. But, that's all for now.

Also, this picture is amazing! The altar server is the one on the left. Ofcourse, I didn't actually get to kneel and stuff, but in my heart I did feel like this server in the picture.