Is Christ Speaking?

As I sat in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament today I had a revelation. I was reading from the book "An Hour With Jesus" and reading a meditation entitled, "How Does He Speak." Let me just say wow. It basically was questioning Jesus asking Him why He didn't speak.

I have often wondered, especially since I have begun my discernment, why God could just not speak. Wouldn't it make it easier? Also, since I wasn't really hearing anything was it because I was doing something wrong? I would beg Jesus to speak to me and show me His will and nothing would happen or at least what I was looking for nothing happened.

As I really got into the mediation I paused for prayer and thought about this whole thing. Afterwards I kept reading, this time a section in itlatics that said this is what Jesus would probably say to us. Of course, the first sentence was: "Yes, I speak." But, what really jumped out at me was:

"But most importantly, I speak directly to you. I need for you to be silent to hear me; to be a completely empty vessel. For you see, I speak through your mind, and most importantly, through your heart. In your mediation, in your contemplation, in your silent recognition of my presence, I respond to you. It will be the thoughts you suddenly sense in your mind. It will be the truths you painfully accept in your heart regarding your unworthiness. The ache you feel for serenity, peace, and comfort, that frustration you sense struggling for constant control of your own destiny, your desire to actually hear me, these are all the words of your God speaking to you. If your heart and soul are truly silent, your thoughts will be my words to you."

Wow! When I read this I was literally reading my life story! It applied to me in such a real way, I was speechless. This whole time I have struggled and struggled with God not speaking to me and not revealing Himself and His will...but this whole time He was doing just that! "That frustration you sense struggling for constant control of your own destiny," was like a dagger in the side. I recalled the MANY tears shed out of frustration due to my discernment and you know what...that was God speaking to me! "Painfully accept in your heart regarding your unworthiness," reminded me of SO MANY times crying due to my imperfections...it was then Christ was speaking to me!

I geuss I always thought Jesus would speak in a much more literal way. Maybe not a booming voice, but just a "you wake up in the morning and know" kind of thing. But, during my discernment it is those frustrations, those feelings of unworthiness, the joy from being at church and serving, the desire to know God and to hear Him speak....that IS Christ speaking to me. This revelation has been so comforting to me, to know Christ is speaking. When I thought there was silence, it was actually God screaming at me and I just didn't realize it was Him.

I chose this picture too, because I love the reverence to the Sacred Scripture. It is just another way God is continually speaking to us and a lot of times we pass it up because it is sitting on our shelf.