Marriage

I have heard many priests say how they loved "preforming" marriages. I have always been puzzled by such a statement. Wouldn't you think that they would be sad because they see something they will never have. I don't know about anyone else, but when I would go to weddings I have always gotten excited that one day I hope that is me or I think I can't wait to get married. There has always been something about going to them that makes me wish time would go just a bit faster and then I can get married. However, this train of thought ended Sunday.

I was serving at Mass, so I was up on the altar. A couple from the parish was going to get their wedding vows renewed because it was their 50th anniversary. So, at the end of Mass they came up in front of the altar where Father stood and another altar server. As the rite began I could not help but shed a tear (which probably looked odd since I was sitting facing everyone else in the congregation). I was so moved by the love that this couple shared between each other. For the first time I was not thinking, "wow! I can't wait to get married," but rather, "wow! I want to help people like that."

I think it all goes back to the amazement by me that priests are able to help people in not only earthly temporary ways but spiritual and eternal ways. To be able to bond two people together in a unique relationship with Christ as the center absolutely amazes me! Also, to be able to see the love two people share it just a reminder of the love Christ has for us, because His love is so much more.

Loving One Another

This past week has been one filled with inner hurt. I have always saw the fact that I am not as well liked as most people and I geuss that is okay. But, I have always just asked God, "why?"

These past few weeks things have been said indirectly to me and/or written on my door that really didn't mean a lot at first...but when you keep getting the same message it gets old and even though it is not terribly bad it does hurt that people don't like me.

A lot of times I feel so different from everybody else. It feels I am secluded from the rest of the school. It feels like I am stuck in a place that I can't get out of. What makes me so different that the majority of people don't care much for me? I am sure they don't hate me, but they just don't care much about me.

One thing I think about when I feel hurt by others, specifically when I am made fun of or feel left out of things, is Mary. I wonder if Mary ever felt left out? I wonder if she ever felt different from everyone else, like an alien in a place she can't get out of. I wonder if she ever shed tears of sadness because she heard someone say something bad about her....

I think so...I believe Mary did feel that way. I am sure people talked when she was pregnate with Jesus and not married to Joseph. I bet people said some mean stuff and I can look at her and I am stunned because how could anyone make fun of her? So, once again I am directed to Mary as an example to live by. I am once again relying on her intercessions. It is funny how I always end up here!

Jesus Himself was by far more persecuted than me! But, yet He still loved them! The biggest lesson I learned this week is loving your enemies and how hard it really is! Wednesday's reading from Romans blew me away! It was defiantly something I needed to hear. I have always (and probably will continue to) struggled with the fact that priests have to be loving guys, right?! And they also have to be liked by some people right?! (not all people of course) I don't feel I am a very loving guy sometimes, nor someone who is liked. I am not sure what to make of that yet. Since I am not very liked, should that be a sign that I am not called to the priesthood? Or is it a good thing, because Jesus was persecuted and not liked very much either...I dunno...all I know is...

"Brothers and sisters:
Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another;
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
The commandments, You shall not commit adultery;
you shall not kill;
you shall not steal;
you shall not covet,
and whatever other commandment there may be,
are summed up in this saying, namely,
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Love does no evil to the neighbor;
hence, love is the fulfillment of the law."
-Romans 13: 8-10

Also, after having posted my note on facebook and getting feedback from several people I do have to say, I realize I am not the only on having feelings of not being loved and just not fitting in. It breaks my heart to think it is not just me, because I wished it was just me for everyone else's sack. This is another reason why becoming a priest is appealing...being able to help others. I want people to know that they really are loved, by God, the Church, Mary and all the saints, and by me. Reading peoples feedback to me broke my heart because I really wish people didn't feel that way...but then again I geuss it is part of growing...obviously it has been and is a growing experience for me. St. Anthony Mary Claret explains it best below. I suppose we can continue to look to Mary as an example and for her intercession. Holy Mary, pray thee come hither!

"A priest who is filled with the fire of the love of God will
wound vices, kill sins, convert sinners, and work wonders."
-St. Anthony Mary Claret